Category Archives: Melbourne events

Camilla’s Grand Showcase

Sitting in the back row of Camilla’s Grand Showcase, I was pining. Every single element of every single outfit on every single model was divine. Now I may be a tad biased because Camilla Franks is without a doubt my favorite designer, and because I love a good kaftan, but seriously, I did not hear one bad review.

Camilla has this way with fashion that I struggle to find in other designers. She creates fashion that is completely edgy but still feminine, out-there but still wearable.

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The whole show had an element of drama to it- the runway was printed in fantastic, colorful patterns, there was a conductor and a band sitting in the middle of the crowd playing orchestral music and the front two rows were decked out in stunning, beaded Camilla cushions which at the end of the show those sitting on them got to take home as a souvenir.

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The styling was also phenomenal, it sort of reminded me of Lord of the Rings- the dreadlocks and plaits in the hair, models carrying enormous staffs and flags, with their dresses and capes flowing down the runway behind them.

Being a poor uni student, I am not one to go and spend $600 on a dress, but as soon as I got home from the Camilla Grand Showcase, I jumped onto her website and started trying to figure out how I could justify a purchase.

Working at the fashion festival for four years I have seen a few runway shows, but this will undoubtedly go down as the Queen of them all in my mind, and it will be pretty hard to topple Camilla from that throne.

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That’s like Social Suicide..

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So as that time of year rolls around again, I decided I would reminisce on what would have to be my most entertaining memory from last year’s L’Oreal Melbourne Fashion Festival (now coined the Virgin Australia Melbourne Fashion Festival– not quite so catchy).

To give you some context, there are a team of us who work for the Chairman throughout the festival basically as assistants to her and her guests, we also get to watch a few of the shows- one of my favourite perks.

So this one night we were sitting and watching a beautiful runway show, seated a few rows behind the Chairman, when we noticed a bit of a ruckus going on in the row behind her. There were a couple of ladies who were, excuse my French, fucked off their faces (yes at the fashion festival) sitting in the second row, literally yelling at the models.

Now we all love a good drink, but time and place people! Time and place!

We watched as the Chairman swapped seats with the poor woman who was initially sitting next to the drunken biddies, this poor woman also happened to be the head of one of the major sponsors of the festival.

After realizing that any attempt to shut the women up clearly wasn’t going to work as by this point they had started pretty much drinking from the champagne bottle they had under their seats, the Chairman called security over to eradicate the problem..

The ladies kicked up a massive fuss- reminiscent of those times myself or my friends have been rejected from nightclubs; and security as dragged them out one of them thought it appropriate to pour her drink over the Chairman’s head.. You can imagine the amount of people who rushed briskly to her side with towels/tissues etc.

What made this drama all the more ironic was that one of the ladies left her phone on the seat next to the Chairman.

Honey, you will never, ever be invited to an important event again.. Nor will you ever be getting that phone back.

Lesson to be learned from this scenario- think carefully about occasions that it is okay to get plastered (hint: not at the Fashion Festival), and about who you should be pouring a drink over (hint: not the Chairman of the Fashion Festival).

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Oh sweety, no.

I am someone who appreciates the concept of “skimplifying”, if you’ve got great boobs, then wear a V-neck and show them off. If you have nice legs then wear a skirt and heels to make them look even longer than they already do. Show off your assets. However the other night at the Eminem concert, I noticed that the majority of the young girls there had taken skimplifying to a level previously unheard of.

This is not to say that the Eminem concert is the only place that this travesty is occurring, at the tennis I saw a girl with denim shorts that were so short, you could see the tan-line from her bikini..

Anyway, at Eminem this first came to my attention as I walked in and saw a girl wearing not one, but two bras (you could tell because one was fluro pink and the other black and they were not well aligned). On top of this she had an eighties-style mesh top. It looked like something straight out of Mardi-Gras.

I also noticed as I stood at my post selling water- a pretty boring job but hey I got to watch Eminem, a larger girl wearing miniscule black shorts having a wiggle in front of us. Let’s just say the view from our angle was not a pretty one. Way too much butt cheek and not enough material.

The final hurrah was when, as I was walking out there was a girl strutting in front of me wearing bike shorts, which were rolled up to look even shorter, with what looked like a black bra. Basically she managed to cover up her boobs and vagina and that was about it, as you will see in my sneaky paparazzi shot below..

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So my advice is in order to keep your dignity, leave a little bit to the imagination. Sure, wear a plunging neckline (I am guilty of doing this quite a lot), or a short skirt with heels (also guilty), but although it might seem tempting, try not to wear your underwear with nothing over the top.. Save this for bed, or after showering before you put your clothes on… or for an appointment with your gynecologist…

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Happy Galentines Day Y’all

Calling a restaurant to book for a table for five on Friday the 14th of February, I immediately felt judged when the response on the other end was “Oh.. Friday’s Valentines Day?”. YES AND I WANT A TABLE FOR FIVE. So on Valentines Day I got all dressed up and prepared myself to see one million couples holding hands and swooning over each other. However what I found was that although there were heaps… and heaps of couples… There were quite a few groups of girls out as well.

So I decided to compile a list of reasons why spending Valentines day with the girls (coined Galentines Day) is better than spending Valentines Day with a partner:

1. You can eat as much as you want because you are “eating your feelings” about not having a partner.. when really you just feel like eating lots

2. Your girlfriends think of things like bringing each other flowers and chocolates

3. Even if your friends don’t buy you flowers and chocolates it doesn’t matter, no offense is taken.. ultimate win/win situation

4. You can eat lots of chocolate because once again you are “eating your feelings” and chocolate will always be there for you

5. You can go to cheap places and save yourself a whole lotta dollars

6. You can eat like a slob- which trust me, I am very good at

7. On that note, you can order Spaghetti and not worry about how much of a mess you are going to be afterwards

8. You don’t have to try and think of a Valentines gift for a boy- WHAT THE HELL DO BOYS WANT ON VALENTINES DAY???

9. You can make fun of couples eg. the couple that gets dropped off by Daddy in a bright yellow Porsche convertible, the couple that look like brother and sister, the couple that sit on their phones the whole meal etc etc

10. You don’t have to wear nice lingerie- better yet you don’t have to BUY nice new lingerie, that shit’s expensive

And at the end of the night- which for us was about 9.30, you can head home to your own bed and online shop and it’s justified because it’s Valentines Day.

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Those Summer Nights

I am a girl who loves me a good musical. The singing, the dancing, the over the top cheesiness of it all- it’s my cup of tea. So the other night I was very over-excited to be on my way to see Grease the musical.

After posing for a classic snap with the musical poster, and then with a cardboard cut out of Rob Mills, it was time, and it started with a bang. It was time to get the crowd involved in a sing along, so cringe but secretly I loved it and of course already knew all the lyrics.

Grease had everything you could expect from a musical- fantastic dancing, songs that you know and love, ex-Australian Idol contestants (I am now even more convinced that Anthony Callea is two genes short of being a dwarf) , and some classic gags from Bert Newton.

The story got a little lost towards the end but what does that matter when we all know it off by heart. Tod McKenney made an appearance as the Guardian Angel and although that reference went straight over my head, those a couple of generations ahead of me had a good laugh, and his voice and characterization were to die for.

It was one of those occasions when I wished my life was a musical and that all those awkward moments I experience- and there are a lot of them, could be eased by breaking into song. I also would love to see it again while inebriated because my friend and I kept joking about when it was going to be our turn to jump up on stage and dance.. and once that seed is planted and you’ve had a few drinks.. There really is no telling what might happen. So if anyone wants to be absolutely humiliated come see Grease again with me!!

To finish off I would just like to say that what I really took away though was the moral of the story of Grease:

Dress like a tramp and you will get the guy. Always.

xxxx Sandra D

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How I Wish I Could Have Answered Them Silly Tennis Questions

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This January just passed, I had the privilege of working at the Australian Open in Information Services, and rather than boring everybody with the details of my everyday tasks, I decided that I would just compile a list of the best questions that myself and colleagues were asked throughout the tournament. Please enjoy and I do apologize if you were one of the people who asked these bizarre questions..

1. When is the Opening Ceremony?

A: You’re at the wrong event sweetheart.

2. When are Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt coming to the tennis?

A. I am so sorry but I haven’t seen the most recent copy of their schedule.

3. What match are they going to see?

A. Are they even coming….?

4. How do I get to New Zealand?

A. Plane.

5. Where is Werribee Zoo?

A. Werribee.

6. Do they talk on the Australian Open Grounds Tour?

A. No I’ve heard it’s more of a miming tour..

7. What is the theme of the Australian Open Grounds tour?

A. I cannot be sure but definitely not the Australian Open.

8. Can you ask Channel 7 to broadcast a birthday message to my sister before the Australian Open final?

A. Sure I will give them a call.

9. What is the fastest animal?

A. Rafael Nadal?

10. What language do they speak in Switzerland….. How do you know?

A. I think they speak a few languages…. Because Federer told me so.

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Watch Out For Patrick

Last night I was lucky enough to get tickets to the world premiere of Australian film Patrick, Mark Hartley’s remake of the 1978 horror. Arriving at the Greater Union Cinema, I found the queue to get into the cinema to be out the door, round the corner and down an alleyway. At this point I knew I was in for something good.

Now I don’t know if I am being ignorant when saying this, but I don’t believe that Australia has a very deep horror movie pool and it seems to me that directors here tend to steer away from the genre. However, I was utterly impressed by the spooky atmosphere created in this film, and you could tell that the rest of the audience were too.

The film certainly could be considered a bit of an homage to the original, with the old fashioned, gothic style settings and costumes, but it has also been brought into the future with Mac laptops and IPhones making significant appearances throughout the film. This juxtaposition was cleverly done- the technology slid in alongside the old-style elements so seamlessly that I didn’t even question it until my observant boyfriend asked me how this could be so.

It was evident from the audience’s reactions throughout the film that it had achieved its goal of scaring people, while also encouraging them to have a bit of a laugh at the same time. People were jumping five feet in the air at certain heart racing moments, but also chuckling at the cleverly cut and juxtaposed shots- a wink to the audience.

Being a bit of a horror movie buff, it is hard to find movies that I find scary.. There are so many bad attempts at horror out there that it means the genre lacks credibility. I will admit though that I was on edge throughout Patrick, and found that the film explained itself adequately with a twist which is something that I can’t look past in a horror film.

My final test to determine that I really did get creeped out by Patrick was walking out of the cinema past Jackson Gallagher, who played the title name character, and thanking God that I wasn’t sitting next to him while watching the film.. He was a very believable and frightening obsessive telekinetic coma patient.

Overall kudos to the actors, in particularly Rachel Griffiths and Charles Dance and of course to Mark Hartley for bringing the original back for a modern audience. Image

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Thoughts from an amateur Liverpool fan

For a couple of years now I have been dating a mad Liverpool supporter. He wants to play for Liverpool, coach Liverpool, be on the board of Liverpool and then probably die at Anfield. So when I heard that they were coming to town I thought I should probably go and check out what all the hoo ha was about.

Walking from Richmond station I got this eerie feeling, “Toto, I don’t think we’re in Melbourne anymore..” Everywhere I looked there were people dressed solely in red (a bit of a fashion faux pas if you ask me), people yelling Liverpool jargon and wanting to give me a high five. It is safe to say that at this point I was feeling like a bit of a pretender, wearing a borrowed Liverpool top.

Now I have always been more of an AFL girl than an English Premier League fan, probably because I am not a fan of getting up at 4am to watch a game of soccer (I am sorry, football) that I still don’t fully understand, but I can sure see why people jump on the bandwagon. The atmosphere was undeniably impressive, in particularly when the entire stadium joined in singing “You’ll Never Walk Alone”.

I am still not sure if I will be getting up in a hurry to watch any live matches, but I can safely say that my eyes have been opened, and that no matter how loud the Collingwood fans want to drone “Coooooolllinnnnggwoooooddd”, an AFL game will never match the spine tingling atmosphere of that one game.

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