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Ten Tinder Tactics

So since my uni course is clearly not time consuming enough, I recently have found myself using Tinder. I sort of give up when it comes to talking to people because I can’t be bothered with the repetitive getting to know you questions, however what I have noticed is that guys tend to employ a few specific tactics in order to attract their prey. I will now proceed to divulge their “secrets” to pulling birds.

 

1. Photo of me with a small child– playing on the maternal instincts, very good. We all love a man who is good with children, and if you catch us on a particularly hormonal occasion, you might have hit a winner …

2. Photo of me with an animal– must love dogs anyone?

3. Photo of me with a grandparent– yeah nice, caring for the elderly, top bloke

4. Photo of me with a pretty girl– this one confuses me a little bit because I always presume it’s a girlfriend or ex-girlfriend, however I think the method behind the madness is that “I can pull good looking girls, you should want me..” Still unsure…

5. Photo with my good-looking best mate– maybe she will mistake me for him? nah i swear girls are cleverer than that….

6. Photo of me lifting– okay definitely do away with the gym photos, if you go to the gym a lot we will be able to see the results, but we don’t need to be privy to every single workout via photos of you #shredding

7. Photo of me playing sport – very Australian tactic and it means you’re a team player, can’t say I have any problem with this!

8. A photo of a wad of cash? ……????….. ?

9. Photo of me in a football jumper- will this trick her into thinking I am actually a football player? On the off chance that it is a footballer, a lot of girls will be swiping right anyway.

10. Photo of me in a suit– suave. As long as it’s a nice suit it’s a good choice.

What I think the best bet is, is to use photos of you having fun with your friends, on holidays, heading out etc. Being able to see that you’re not a complete psycho will usually hit a soft spot with most gals.

So to all those guys out there on Tinder, Happy Tinder Games, and may the odds be ever in your favor!

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Flying with Fear into a Cyclone

I am scared of flying. No, no I am sorry that would be the understatement of the century. I am petrified of flying. Anyone who has been unfortunate enough to be seated next to me on a plane will know what I mean- nails gripping for dear life into the armchair, uneasy breathing and eyes darting towards any slight movement – because obviously any slight movement means the plane is going down. The Malaysia Airlines flight disappearance has done wonders for my fear; my imagination likes to run even more wild now.

So you can imagine my delight when I learned that I was flying into Christchurch, in a cyclone. Yes, you heard it right, a cyclone. Freaking Cyclone Ita thought it would be a good idea to head from QLD to New Zealand. Thanks babe.

As the plane rocked from side to side, completely throttled by the wind, I clutched onto everything around me, crying irrationally- which is pretty embarrassing when you are not four years old. Did I mention that by this stage I had taken two Valiums. Not even my usual hero Valium was going to save me now.

Jolting erratically towards the Earth, the pilot decided landing was not going to be an option, and so he aborted landing and we took off again, mid-air. Yay.

By the time we finally hit the ground, on a slight angle might I add, I thought that I was going to A. pass out or B. throw up. I walked out of the airport as a zombie about 10 metres behind the rest of the family.

To be fair, I don’t think I will get a flight much worse than that… The fact that a Jetstar plane can land through the tail end of a cyclone does give me faith that I am not going to fall out of the sky on just any ordinary occasion.

I will leave you with some photos of the damage done by the 140km/h winds and pelting rain we flew into.

 Image,Image 

 

 

 

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Dignity V Baby’s Bottom Smooth Skin

Recently I was reading a post my friend (TheTwentySomethingSociety) wrote about whether or not to go nude when getting a massage at a day spa which prompted me to recall an awkwardly hilarious experience that I had with a body scrub in Vietnam..

When Mum offered up the scrub that she had meant to have been getting with her friend, I did as any rational person would do and said hell fucking yes! I was going to be covered in rice and yoghurt, wrapped up like a rice paper roll and come out looking as smooth as a baby’s bum, what’s to complain about?

So Mum’s friend and I rock up to the room, ready to be refreshed, when we are thrown a couple of towels and what look like shower caps and told to go into the bathroom and change. So we walk in there and I soon have that dreadful realization that I am going to have to take off all my clothes and wear this aforementioned “shower cap” as underwear. We proceeded to refer to them as our sexy paper panties.

At the end of the scrub we were then asked to hop into the shower, wash off the excess rice and yoghurt (possibly leftovers from breakfast) and get dressed, in the same shower. The whole time I was thinking to myself, oh thank god I didn’t decide to do this activity with my Dad or my brother.

It was an experience I’ll give them that, and I did walk out with skin as smooth as the new royal baby’s, however I most certainly left my dignity, alongside my clothing at the door.

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