Tag Archives: Fashion

That’s like Social Suicide..


So as that time of year rolls around again, I decided I would reminisce on what would have to be my most entertaining memory from last year’s L’Oreal Melbourne Fashion Festival (now coined the Virgin Australia Melbourne Fashion Festival– not quite so catchy).

To give you some context, there are a team of us who work for the Chairman throughout the festival basically as assistants to her and her guests, we also get to watch a few of the shows- one of my favourite perks.

So this one night we were sitting and watching a beautiful runway show, seated a few rows behind the Chairman, when we noticed a bit of a ruckus going on in the row behind her. There were a couple of ladies who were, excuse my French, fucked off their faces (yes at the fashion festival) sitting in the second row, literally yelling at the models.

Now we all love a good drink, but time and place people! Time and place!

We watched as the Chairman swapped seats with the poor woman who was initially sitting next to the drunken biddies, this poor woman also happened to be the head of one of the major sponsors of the festival.

After realizing that any attempt to shut the women up clearly wasn’t going to work as by this point they had started pretty much drinking from the champagne bottle they had under their seats, the Chairman called security over to eradicate the problem..

The ladies kicked up a massive fuss- reminiscent of those times myself or my friends have been rejected from nightclubs; and security as dragged them out one of them thought it appropriate to pour her drink over the Chairman’s head.. You can imagine the amount of people who rushed briskly to her side with towels/tissues etc.

What made this drama all the more ironic was that one of the ladies left her phone on the seat next to the Chairman.

Honey, you will never, ever be invited to an important event again.. Nor will you ever be getting that phone back.

Lesson to be learned from this scenario- think carefully about occasions that it is okay to get plastered (hint: not at the Fashion Festival), and about who you should be pouring a drink over (hint: not the Chairman of the Fashion Festival).

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Oh sweety, no.

I am someone who appreciates the concept of “skimplifying”, if you’ve got great boobs, then wear a V-neck and show them off. If you have nice legs then wear a skirt and heels to make them look even longer than they already do. Show off your assets. However the other night at the Eminem concert, I noticed that the majority of the young girls there had taken skimplifying to a level previously unheard of.

This is not to say that the Eminem concert is the only place that this travesty is occurring, at the tennis I saw a girl with denim shorts that were so short, you could see the tan-line from her bikini..

Anyway, at Eminem this first came to my attention as I walked in and saw a girl wearing not one, but two bras (you could tell because one was fluro pink and the other black and they were not well aligned). On top of this she had an eighties-style mesh top. It looked like something straight out of Mardi-Gras.

I also noticed as I stood at my post selling water- a pretty boring job but hey I got to watch Eminem, a larger girl wearing miniscule black shorts having a wiggle in front of us. Let’s just say the view from our angle was not a pretty one. Way too much butt cheek and not enough material.

The final hurrah was when, as I was walking out there was a girl strutting in front of me wearing bike shorts, which were rolled up to look even shorter, with what looked like a black bra. Basically she managed to cover up her boobs and vagina and that was about it, as you will see in my sneaky paparazzi shot below..


So my advice is in order to keep your dignity, leave a little bit to the imagination. Sure, wear a plunging neckline (I am guilty of doing this quite a lot), or a short skirt with heels (also guilty), but although it might seem tempting, try not to wear your underwear with nothing over the top.. Save this for bed, or after showering before you put your clothes on… or for an appointment with your gynecologist…

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